I went to an Arab-American comedy night and there was a Muslim guy making a joke about being in high school football.
"I was hit so hard, I saw Jesus. Do you know how hard you have to be hit to see somebody else’s god?"
This is what jokes about religion are supposed to look like.
because i didn’t forward that chain email letter in 2004
So I can either bake these cookies at 400 degrees for 10 minutes or 4,000 degrees for 1 minute.
nick nO THAT’S NOT HOW YOU BAKE COOKIES FRIEND
HOW ABOUT 4,000,000 DEGREES FOR 1 SECOND
NICK YOU ARE GOING TO BURN YOUR HOUSE DOWN
I’M GOING TO HARNESS THE FUCKING SUN TO MAKE COOKIES
NICK P L E A S E
Purple: 10 facts about my room.
Blue: 9 facts about my family.
Green: 8 facts about my body
Yellow: 7 facts about my childhood
Orange: 6 facts about my home town.
Red: 5 facts about my bestfriend(s).
Pink: 4 facts about my parents.
White: 3 facts about my personality.
Grey: 2 facts about my favourite things
Black: 1 fact about the person I like.
these are interesting do it
"so she’s gay now?"
yeah she turned it all the paperwork last week and her acceptance letter came this morning, it was all pretty sudden
If I text you back fast its not because Im thirsty its because my phone was in my hand at the time. The waiting to text people back on purpose shit is childish